Writer's block?

Or having a necessary breather

When Hunger came out, back in the long ago hot summer, I had an intense few months - publication and the necessary round of interviews, plugging the book etc is always draining, I find. But Hunger was much more so, because although my other two novels have drawn on personal experiences, Hunger made me feel naked and vulnerable in a way that I had considered but, of course, until it happens you don’t know how you will feel.

The reason? I felt I’d publicly opened Pandora’s Box - suddenly the whole world knew that I Had An Eating Disorder. People might have guessed, or made assumptions, but I lived in this cocoon where I thought I was just normal. It has taken me a long while but my weight has been stable (if perhaps slightly underweight) for many years, but my head is still liable to run with far too many anorexic thoughts. Fifty five years of this is difficult to turn around, though I am trying.

I also realised that there are many, many people like me. As another friend said, “I am physically recovered and “healthy” but my poor fractured mind wrestles every day”.

So all this was a lot to take on board. I worked on Book Four but in the late summer I got a stomach bug which decided to hang around for longer than was welcome, my partner was away and although I made myself write every day, by the end of the month I was utterly drained. I knew I had to have some time off.

My head knew I was doing the right thing - the necessary thing - but of course I had the Will I Ever be Able to Write Again? thoughts that most of us writers have.

Last weekend I met up with a cousin I haven’t seen (apart from at my mum’s memorial) for nearly 60 years. We got on really well, and she’d read Hunger and wanted to ask me about it. I was so delighted that she - such a clever woman - so enjoyed the story, discussed it at length, wanted to know what happened to the characters afterwards (a real winner for any writer) and hopes to read it for her book group next year. Would I do a live author Zoom? YES!!!

This really gave me the boost that I needed. So this week I have started re-reading Someone Else’s Story (Book Four) and know that I will get back into writing it soon. My itchy fingers are back.

Sometimes we need to have faith that we’re doing the right thing in having a break. And when we come back to our writing, it feels fresh and alive again. Which is vital for us as well as our readers.